why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
