I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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