Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We have started to decorate penises.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
