I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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