I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
