Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
