They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
