3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
