Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
