i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
