I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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