i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
