I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
