Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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