Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
