I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
