Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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