Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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