If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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