i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
