Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
