I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
