nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
