don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
