paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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