I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
