Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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