Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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