is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
