Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize