Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I smell stomach acid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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