I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
