Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
third nipple confirmed
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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