Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize