Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's always time for handjobs
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
