People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
