I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
