turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize