So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
