And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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