Life is so much better after having sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
