speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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