i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
