I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
