Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
