Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
