do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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