I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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