Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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