I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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