Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
