We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
