You work out of a Hotel?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
