You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
