I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize