I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
