Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
