ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
