just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
