There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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