Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
