Just took my morning after pill in the library
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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