Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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