If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
