It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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