Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
