We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
