We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
