Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How external is "for external use only"?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
