i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
