In America we eat man semen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
