also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
