I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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