Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
