Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
