Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
