I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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